Let me be clear: I do not judge those of you who update your dog’s Instagram more than your own. Why? Because I am an empathetic, understanding woman.
And also I am one of you. I am constantly updating my dog’s social media accounts. I have run not one but TWO dog-oriented Instagram accounts in my time. So, yes, I know all the telltale signs. And if any of these speak to your #DogsOfInstagram SOUL, you are probably one of us as well.
1. This is your camera roll. This is all of your camera roll.
2. HASHTAGS! You are constantly on the lookout for the ideal hashtag combination and have it down to a science. As in, #barpack + #cute = MAXIMUM LIKES
3. You will do anything to get a feature-worthy snap. That includes lying in front of oncoming traffic, dangling upside down from furniture, and craning your neck for the optimal angle.
I like to think this person was hanging off a cliff to grab this pic. They probably were.
4. You spend most of your spare time brainstorming new dog puns.
5. You know every day of the week and its corresponding hashtag. You would never forget Tuesday, because it’s #tongueoutuesday. Duh.
6. Your first thought upon seeing this photo is, “DAMMIT, WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?!” And you are filled with JEALOUS, ALL-CAPS RAGE.
7. One of the best parts about having a baby? Creating a triumvirate of cute that will DESTROY all other Instagrams.
8. You learned Photoshop. For your dog.
9. #FlashBackFriday (#FBF) means delving into your gorgeous puppy photo album. Get ready for an avalanche of likes.
10. Blurry pics like these cause you physical pain. Like, just sit still. For two seconds. Please.
11. You sign your dog up for modeling classes. Human modeling classes.
12. Dog-friendly store? More INSTAGRAM OPPORTUNITIES!
13. If your dog gets recognized in public, you call everyone in your contacts — even people you haven’t talked to in years. Everyone needs to know. ASAP.
14. Your pup runs with their own #BarkPack and you are so happy about this that you’ve replaced all the photos on your fridge with pics of your pup and his friends.
All your holiday cards and Save the Dates just go in a drawer somewhere.
15. You thought you’d never be that person that buys clothes for their dogs. Two weeks later, this pops up on your pup’s Instagram
Trust us. We get it.